The Ronaldo question on everyone's lips...

Never has there been so much fuss over such a regular part of the footballing summer. Granted, Cristiano Ronaldo had an awesome season and is rightly the focus of a lot of attention, but there is a very important question that needs to be answered, the truth behind which may never come to light.

I'm not talking about the interminable saga surrounding his shameless flirtation with Real Madrid. I'm a fan of neither them nor Manchester United. I do think that, should he leave, he will do well to find more talented and more selfless teammates than Wayne Rooney, Carlos Tevez and Ryan Giggs. As good as he is, you don't hit 40 plus goals a season on your own.

No, the major matter concerns the other end of the newspaper. The injured Portuguese has been sunbathing! And he has gone brown! Fancy, a handsome young Mediterranean man going somewhere hot and turning the colour of Marmite. While wearing tiny shorts! They'll be telling us Rooney went like a lobster and wore a baseball cap next.



The video above is proof if proof were needed that You Tube has a clip for all occasions. It's Ronaldo sunbathing with our old friend Nani. Not only does he wear his clothes backwards, it would appear he also sunbathes backwards. As one of the comments alludes to, it's not entirely clear why Nani would spend time trying to get an even tan.

Yet there is an even bigger mystery that nobody seems to have discussed. How bad is the tan line going to be from his recuperative blue boot? he's going to look bloody ridiculous. And it's the people he is most concerned to impress - the laydeez, that are going to be most let down.

When he's back on the pitch, whatever colour of stockings he wears will more than cover his shame. In the bedroom, he'll look like he's going swimming with a verruca. Unless he keeps his socks on. I do know from personal experience that he doesn't wash his hands after having a wee.