I've always been suspicious of professional sports people and 'injuries'. I'm a fairly cynical and sceptical person anyway, but there are situations where a sudden and non-specific ailment can be conspicuously convenient.
I remember seeing a sprinter stop with a 'pulled muscle' many years ago during a race in which he was clearly miles behind. For fear of libel I'm not even going to speculate as to who it actually was, but I do remember feeling that this particularly mouthy individual got his dues and may even have goaded him via the television. A bit like if Cristiano Ronaldo had missed his penalty against England. He didn't of course, because it was England, but if he had every pub in the country would have reverberated to that guttural sound of contempt that just escapes in such high tensions situations. You know the one. It's impossible to put into type, but in boring games when goal kicks are heckled it comes after 'You're sh*t' and in some grounds can rattle on for a while. Aston Villa's away support, a very merry bunch indeed, use it a fair bit. They also do something which completely cracks me up and which I haven't noticed any other fans doing, which is to greet any handball claim from the opposition with a similar cry for about the next five or six touches of the ball, regardless of whether they're a goal kick, header or throw-in.
Injuries-wise, I don't begrudge someone getting hurt and trying to run it off. Or getting absolutely, horrifically pole-axed like
Eduardo. I'm not going to launch into a political tirade in favour of or against the two-footed tackle ( I love Dion Dublin) or players 'leaving the ground'. Martin Taylor was on loan at Norwich this season and was titanic (as in like a titan, not running a long way then sinking. Andy Johnson was titanic like that when Palace were trying to stay in the Premiership though). If anyone's to blame it's Karen Brady. She could have flogged him permanently for a very fair price but chose to hang on for a bit more. I suspect his price may have reduced somewhat simply because of the stigma now attached to his name.
My long-standing problem has been with players who repeatedly ham it up but never seem to show the signs of injury when it really matters. Until now, when I shall become largely repentant and may even stretch as far as a qualified apology.
Training for a marathon obviously involves a commitment to put in the miles, on the whole, even when you can't really be arsed. People who know me will appreciate that when I can't be arsed I largely don't bother, so should be even more impressed with my arduous and unforgiving regime. This includes running, or at least exercising, even when suffering from 'twinges'.
In the early days it was largely my calves that suffered. Try walking or running with calves that don't move. It's not easy. They weren't so much strained as incredibly tight (this should always be said like
Goldmember). I managed to to sort these out by getting regular rub-downs from a professional. There's a guy who comes into our office and does massages in one of the rooms in the basement. He's brilliant and he doesn't even remark on my hairy back or disproportionately hair-free legs, which is very kind. I'm sure he was originally called PJ but he seems to have graduated, via CJ (which I think was Pamela Anderson's character in Baywatch - come to think of it wasn't she called
Pamela Denise Anderson? And what's the deal with Morten 'Gamst' Gamst Pedersen?) to DJ. I still giggle at the very rural image of a footballer 'straining a calf' however.
More recently, I've suffered with a hip complaint on the left side. It left me struggling to walk but also in the unique situation, to me, of still being able to run. After a day of, as
Herr Flick in 'Allo 'Allo would have it 'walking rather gingerly', I dragged myself to the gym to try to do some sort of exercise. Once on the treadmill I found that at running speed I was fine.
This left me with a moral problem relating, in particular, to Didier Drogba. I'm not the only person who considers him to be prone to the odd bit of over-exaggeration when tackled. He even, if you'll pardon the pun, tripped himself up in an interview when he admitted as much himself. Even the citizens of You Tube have attempted to provide proof:
However, having discovered that it is possible to be able to run but not walk, not only did I disprove a popular phrase (although if we're being pedantic it doesn't) but it also takes away the miracle of the 'Drogba hop' and makes it a lot less sinister. Having said that I did try to hobble, then hop into a sprint as Drogba does, but it didn't quite work as smoothly as that. Equally when I stopped running the hobble was worse, meaning the ability to 'run off an injury' comes into question. Far more likely, even with my increased empathy, is that it's possible to 'run off the memory of having pretended to be injured'. But I'm naming no names.
