Four o'clock funny - Where's My Money?

"Mmm, that is good OJ."

Tee Du Jour - Music Shower

I don't really understand the reasoning behind La Fraise putting animal heads in place of their models. To be honest, it freaks me out. Is this a hamster?

I like T-Shirts which include accessories that aren't actually there, in this case earphones.



Available from La Fraise, or at least it was when I posted this.

Shooting Stars Night!

It's Shooting Stars Night tonight on BBC2 from 9pm. I can't flipping wait, it's been far too long since Reeves and Mortimer were on our screens.

It's also a chance for Ulrika Jonsson to redeem herself in my eyes from the hypocritical newspaper columnist she has become, before almost certainly undermining herself in the Celebrity Big Brother house next week.

If you, like I, can't wait until this evening. Here's a short clip.



Rest assured there will be more Vic and Bob in the new year.

Four o'clock funny - The Side Boob Hour

"That turn you on? Well it shouldn't, cos it's my side boob."

Tee Du Jour - Nat Bubble Tee

It's a girl wearing a T-Shirt showing herself blowing a bubble. She is called Nat, she is a model for wrongwroks, and they have made a T-Shirt with her on. Lovely.



$45 from wrongwroks.

Four o'clock funny - Butt Scratcher?

"Cut it out. I have a glandular problem."

Four o'clock funny - Cool Whip

"Well there's some apples, some cinnamon, my hair."

Four o'clock funny - Zac Sawyer

"No, it's lame. Everything's lame."

Four o'clock funny - Electric Man

You can't beat a bit of Family Guy. I shall fill the void 'twixt Christmas and New Year with Peter, Stewie, Brian and co.

A Charlie Brown Chrismas - Part Three

Four o'clock funny - The Spirit of Christmas

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

A Charlie Brown Chrismas - Part Two

Four o'clock funny - Office Christmas Party

"I'm expecting a blind date and I was worried you're it!"

A bit of The Office for Christmas Eve. Only a bit. haven't you got better things to do than look at the internet?

A Charlie Brown Chrismas - Part One

Tee Du Jour - Pop Corn

I got a bit sick of the La Fraise dog, and I'm sure they're sick of me stealing their images, so I've used the cat for this one, which is the women's shirt.

Yeah, it's corn with a skateboard. Big whoop. Wanna fight about it?



Possibly still available from La Fraise. Possibly not.

Four o'clock funny - I want a fucking car, right fucking now

"You can start by wiping that fucking dumbass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks."

Planes, Trains and Automobiles is another quintessential Christmas film. The language in this bit isn't very festive I admit. But it is a superb scene, and the film is very Christmassy.

Appropriate for today as a lot of folk will be stressed heading home. Remember - it could be worse.

Four o'clock funny - Home Alone

"Funnily enough, we never lose our luggage."

If you don't associate Home Alone with Christmas, there's either something up with you or you're over 30. Either way, sort you life out.



And here's Home Alone 2. Just the trailers mind. The soundtrack, which I believe is by John Williams, is amazing.

Tee Du Jour - The Hella Tight Tee

This is made by Diamond Supply Co. and gets extra points for using the word 'hella', which I am going to make more effort to shoehorn into my vocabulary.



Slightly pricey at $27 from Karmaloop via The Fat Seagull

Four o'clock funny - Nativity

"Townsend, King, Glitter? Those are all paedophiles! Except for the first one for legal reasons."

A lovely Christmas Nativity ruined by paedophiles. As always. From Monkey Dust.

Tee Du Jour - Save the Whales

This is nice and simple. $16 from Print Liberation, via Rumplo.

Four o'clock funny - Avid Merrion's XXX Christmas Special

"It was at the right time when I blew my beans inside her, so it could be mine."

I love a bit of Keith Lemon. This is a bit racy so be warned.

Christmas Tune at Noon - Driving Home for Christmas

Chris Rea. I own a Chris Rea album. Today I am driving home for Christmas. That is all.

Tee Du Jour - Charlie

It's the top of Charlie Brown's head!

I miss Charlie Brown. I'm sincerely hoping that Merry Christmas Charlie Brown is shown over the festive season. Otherwise I'll find it myself and post it on here. Now there's an idea.



Not sold out (woohoo!) but $40 (booo!) from wrongwroks

Four o'clock funny - Catherine Zeta Jones' Christmas Message

Tee Du Jour - Lie Cheat Steal

Cute girl in nothing but a T-Shirt

+

bold, socially irresponsible statement on said T-Shirt

=

Tee Du Jour



Snakes & Suits

Four o'clock funny - Christmas Tidings

"It's easy to tell if goods are faulty. They have the words 'Made in Belgium' on the bottom"

Mr Cholmondley-Warner with a grave public message.

Christmas Tune at Noon - White Christmas

Never gonna happen, Bing. I love the beginning bit to this. I had always assumed Will Smith invented the concept of having a bit of a dramatic aside in his videos. Or R Kelly. Or Michael Jackson. Bing Crosby would have been low down my list of guesses.



Here, for those who don't know what i'm on about, is the video for Wild Wild West by Will Smith. The only link you'll ever see between Bing Crosby and Will Smith.

Who's that fat bloke with the beard?

No, not you're dad. Santa, of course.  If, like me, you've not been very good at keeping your room tidy and used a little more blue language than you should have, then I imagine you're probably getting a little nervous around this time of year.  I mean, it's bad enough having your girlfriend judging you without some mysterious bloke with a penchant for sweet pastry deciding whether or not you deserve that new bike you've always wanted.  

Fortunately, this year, Google (assisted by some rather important sounding American military-esque types) have developed something which will allow us to stay one step ahead of the portly reindeer-botherer.  NORAD (North American Aerospace Defence Command) have teamed up with Google to 'track' Santa as soon as he leaves the North Pole on Christmas Eve.  Using such high-tech tracking devices as 'Santa cams', they will track his movements and feed the information through to your mobile, directly to iGoogle, or in 3D using Google Earth.  More information is available here.

Tee Du Jour - Nice Pair

Combining sneakers and women in a T-Shirt. They know me so well. No wonder the makers of this tee are called Exact Science.



From 80's Purple.

Four o'clock funny - Here's your Cristmas card

Ah Seinfeld. Rest assured I will be plundering Seinfeld clips aplenty in the New Year. If not before.

Christmas Tune at Noon - Cliff Richard

Ah, good old Cliff. A double bonanza Christmas Tune at Noon today, starting with Mistletoe and Wine, which has some truly superb rhymes, and ending with Saviour's Day, which you will be whistling all day. Well all afternoon. At least while you're listening to it.

Tee Du Jour - Hattori Hanso by Don Roboto

Just shy of 20 Euros whould be enough to bag you this Kill Bill-themed effort from Don Roboto. Lots of different colours to choose from, but this seemed the most fitting.

Four o'clock funny - Knowing Me, Knowing Yule

"Oi Alan, what do you do for an encore? Shag a robin?"

Bridging the gap into Christmassy funnies is Alan Partridge.

Tee Du Jour - Support Your Local Butcher

This is a beauty, from Crispin Finn
.



Only £10 plus P&P. I've ordered mine!

Four o'clock funny - Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Unbelievable

The Kate Bush Medley. After the Abba Medley. From yesterday? The Alan Partridge one? Just watch it.

Christmas Tune at Noon - Geraldine McQueen

This is the second catchy single from Peter Kay's alter ego Geraldine McQueen - Once Upon a Christmas Song. Hopefully it'll spank the pants off Alexandra Burke's Hallelujah in the race to be Christmas Number One. Not that I actually give a tinker's cuss.

Incidentally, Peter Kay's Britain's Got the X Factor... and then some! Will be on next Friday and, if it's anywhere near as good as Britain's Got The Pop Factor, it'll be a real treat.

Tee Du Jour - Noah's Arcade

"Come bust a move where the games are played, it's chill, it's fresh, it's Noah's Arcade."

If you don't know where it's from, I'm not going to tell you. But you need to watch more movies.



It's available from BustedTees.


Noah's Arcade

Four o'clock funny - Take a chance, chance, take a chance

Ah, the Alan Partridge Abba Medley. Enough said.

Tee Du Jour - DoraBob by Wrongwroks

SpongeBob Squarepants' face on Doraemon's body. It's like a Japanese person's wet dream. This is another cool T-Shirt by wrongwroks. So cool, in fact, that it's sold out.



Check if they're back in stock at wrongwroks.

Four o'clock funny - Ladies of the World

"Ladies love the feel of the wheel."

If you ever need a good comedy song, you can't look further than Flight of the Conchords. Loving Jermaine's 'tache.

Sneaks Du Jour - Even More Barneys x Converse

The final instalment of the Barneys x Converse Perforated Leather Chuck Taylors. As a reminder, here are the others.



I found out about these from SLAMXHYPE



Who found out about it from Complex.

Christmas Tune at Noon - All I Want For Christmas Is You

As with all Sony BMG Videos on You Tube, the well-known video for Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas Is You is unembeddable, which is a word I have created especially for Sony BMG.

On the plus side there is a rather delightful black and white version of Mariah performing as if it was 1964. No, I don't know why either. Mariah has been in the news this week because she might be pregnant. Good luck with that, Mariah's potential offspring.



And to bring the song bang up to date here's Miley Cyrus's version of All I Want For Christmas Is You, performed at Disnleyland last year. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say it could be the recording, but she sounds well like The Chipmunks.

Tee Du Jour - Emergency Exit by Pamparampa

The Japanese equivalent of our own, very similar, Emergency Exit sign. On a nifty green T-Shirt.



For the princely sum of €12.95, you can't really argue. Depending on the current exchange rate.

From Pamparampa

Four o'clock funny - I know a song that'l get on your nerves

Not to be confused with the Barack Obama song, this is Katie Brand taking the piss out of Mariah Carey from her first series, which was funny. Her second series was, from what i saw, a bit of a stretch.

Sneaks Du Jour - Even More Alexander McQueen by Puma

If you got a proper designer in to sort you out some trainers, you'd be a bit disappointed if he came up with a pair of plain white velcro hi-tops, wouldn't you?

Having said that, Alexander McQueen for Puma's AMQ Spine Mid Velcro is actually a very smart little sneaker.



All the Alexander McQueen Puma Black Label stuff is from Sneaker Freaker.

Christmas Tune at Noon - Slade

You say Slade, you hear 'It's Chriiiiiiiiiiiiistmas'.

Apparently Noddy Holder does the voice of the lifts in Walsall Art Gallery. Now if that's not a reason to go to Walsall, I don't know what is.

Tee Du Jour - Steal this tee

More socially irresponsible clothing, this time from Dissizit! and featuring Wynona Ryder.



Available from 80's Purple.

Four o'clock funny - If you don't know me by now...

"I poured you a glass of your favourite wine - Cabernet Sauvignon. I really know you."

Simply Red's Greatest Hits is in the charts at the moment. Someone said on Radio One the other day, "Who's buying that?". Not me, obviously, but I do have a big soft spot for them. I think this song was on the first compilation tape I owned. Not David Brent's version, clearly.

Sneaks Du Jour - Chuck Taylor Skate

I love Converse, but they can be a bit unsupportive. If you like the look but have a low arch or something similar, these Chuck Taylor Skates have a thicker insole as they're designed for boarders.

I'm not a big fan of skateboarding sneakers generally, but these retain the feel of your common or garden cons.



Available from Converse Skateboarding from the New Year, for $55 or so.



From Complex

Christmas Tune at Noon - Stay Another Day

East 17 prove, if proof were needed, that any song can become Christmassy if you stick some bells in the background and some snow in the video.

I have always admired East 17's ability to consistently pronounce 'th' as 'f', so not betraying their roots.

'Don't fink I can take the pain'

Tee Du Jour - Night Owl

Simple but effective.



£15 from Teetonic

Four o'clock funny - Free Love Freeway

"Racial. So..."

I'm feeling musical this week. Come on, you know the words.

She's not dead.

Sneaks Du Jour - Adidas Forum Hi Double Goose

If you want to keep your feet warm and funky, what better way than to have a pair of goose down Adidas Forums?

Apparently inspired by the material favoured on the leather jackets of the original rap stars of the 1980s, and available from Adidas Originals for around $150.

Christmas Tune at Noon - It's beginning to look a lot like...

..Christmas!

We put our tree up last night. The lights worked then stopped as soon as the tree went on but, in the middle of the night, a Christmas miracle occured and they came on!

Here's a classic 1958 version by a young Perry Como:



This is a, much later, live version!

Dear Mum, For Christmas I would like... ASOS Disk Dial Watch

Another watch from ASOS and another one that looks like you'll have to learn to tell the time again. I think that could be fun. Like learning a really easy new language.

This actually looks a bit like a set of bathroom scales. In a good way.



From ASOS for the standard £35

Tee Du Jour - Captain Awesome

Captain Awesome and the Wonder Friends, in case you can't read it, are the stars of this T-Shirt. They look like a happy bunch.



From Threadless.

Four o'clock funny - Islands in the Stream

There's something inherently funny about both Rob Brydon singing and James Corden dancing. Don't get me wrong, they're both very good.

Christmas Tune at Noon - The Darkness

Everybody seemed to stop finding The Darkness funny soon after this excellent Christmas record, Christmas Time, Don't Let the Bells End
. Justin Hawkins also descended into a bit of rock cliche.



Apologies for letting the Christmas Tune at Noon thing slide. It's Christmas. I've been busy.

Tee Du Jour - Hello

I know at least two guys who will absolutely love this T-Shirt and probably buy it. Sorry, I mean prolly.



From Goodie Two Sleeves.

Four o'clock funny - It's the lyrics more than anything

"Can we just have the one about the wise men by the sea?"

This is why Gavin and Stacey is funny. If you don't like this, you won't like it.

Norwich City 'social network' takes off

As a Norwich fan and occasional football pundit through my work on NorwichCityMad, as well as a media professional, I took a keen interest in this morning's announcements regarding 4IP launching a social network for Norwich City. All is not as it seems.

Using Jaiku and Twitter streams, Rick Waghorn and the My Football Writer team posted updates throughout the East Anglian Derby match yesterday afternoon, which resulted in a 2-0 victory for Norwich (hurrah!). This is the first example of a 4IP-funded digital innovation, apparently, and it's a slow starter with the high-profile help of not only being the first such project but also having the attention of Twitter-addicted Canary Stephen Fry, who actually brought my attention to it as I follow his feed.



I've long been angered by My Football Writer as an internet property due to their occasional demands for a subscription of £1.50 per month (does anyone pay for online content these days?) in order to see what is, essentially, a blog staffed by professional journalists.



The 'innovation' of posting to a stream on Twitter (I'm not a Jaiku user) is no such thing. Even Rick Waghorn, the former East Daily Press man behind the project, failed to build it up, saying:

That's all we're doing; hooking up with those two service providers, streaming the two 'feeds' together and turning them into a rolling conversation. Creating a 'community conversation' which us, as journalists, are increasingly obliged to join.

'All we're doing'? 'obliged to join'? Not exactly a ringing endorsement is it? Neither is it an innovation, as my first search for an Arsenal stream on Twitter revealed one more active and much older than it's 'groundbreaking' Norwich counterpart.



Mind you, at least Mr Waghorn and his friends are better at using Twitter than a work experience journalist at the Norwich Evening News, who used the site to ask whether, in her blagged lead on the weekend's important local derby, she had managed to disguise her lack of knowledge with 'bullshit'. Maybe, but you'd have undermined it, and the publication that would appoint a clueless work-ex to write a piece many fans would have paid to write.



I don't generally want to post negative things on this site, and the vast majority of what I write in relation to my work and media in general only relates to things I've come across that I like, but I feel this needed to be raised. Through reading blogs and speaking to people within the industry, I am aware of genuine innovations the world over on a daily basis. It's somewhat disappointing that this, which seems eminently PR-able, seems to fall way short of what might be expected from a fund for digital innovation.

Dear Mum, For Christmas I would like... Jellymon Shanghai Watch

I know we're not supposed to glorify guns or anything, but I like this watch. It's probably not particularly politically correct to wear a watch based on those worn by high ranking Chinese communists in the 1970s either, but what are you going to do?



There are a load of styles which don't have pistols on, but I preferred this. It's made by Jellymon in collaboration with the Shanghai Watch Co and W+K, and available from the likes of Colette and Kidrobot.

Jizz in My Pants - Lonely Island

I must apologise for breaking the Four O'Clock Funny cycle and posting this out of turn, but I just, if you'll pardon the pun, came across it on The Inquisitr and nearly collapsed under my desk.

I'm fully aware this blog is becoming increasingly puerile, but I think it's best to present my personality.

This is from Saturday Night Live in the states. It still amazes me, and frustrates me, that nobody in the UK has picked this up. The group are called Lonely Island and are apparently Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone. The girl behind the till is Meadow Soprano, aka Jamie-Lynn Sigler.

Tee Du Jour - Schizophrenia

I think I'm going to start having nightmares about this dog. He clearly doesn't like what he has on, which is a shame because I do.



Available, hence the dog, from La Fraise.

Four o'clock funny - Telekenisis

"Why don't you help instead of just standing there dreaming about lipstick?"

Garth Merenghi's Darkplace. This is the last of my clips. I would fully recommend watching all of these. As you can tell, it's all over You Tube.

Sneaks Du Jour - More Barneys x Converse

These are, as Sam Sparro would say, Black and Gold. Actually, anyone would say that, because they are. Sam Sparro would sing a shit song about them though.



Available from Barneys from February.

East Anglian Derby Day

Norwich are at home to Ipswich at lunchtime, which means I'm very nervous. Hopefully someone in a yellow shirt will make a bit of a name for themselves. For the record, I suspect, if it's anyone, it will be either Matty Pattison or David Bell.

For nostalgia's sake, here's a picture of Jeremy Goss scoring the winner for Norwich at Bayern Munich in 1993, a time when the nation's gaze briefly turned to the Canaries' UEFA Cup exploits. I have recently grown an affection for Ed Balls, the MP, after he said in The Guardian that one thing he would change would be that we'd have beaten Inter Milan in the third round and gone on to win the tournament.



Incidentally I'm considering, on the advice of a more experienced blogger than myself, amalgamating my oft-neglected football blog, Let's Be Havin' You! into this site. I'm mulling it over. Any thoughts would be welcome.

Tee Du Jour - Everyone Steals by wrongwroks

I'm hoping to bring attention to T-Shirts I've missed out on and magically find them either back in stock or, ideally, on their way to me (get me at rickyboylamb@gmail.com if you want to contact me folks).

I love this one. I want it.



Sold out at wrongwroks.

Four o'clock funny - Understood? As Crystal

"What? Am I holding a crock of shit? Is this hospital called St Crock of Shit?"

Some quality dialogue here. Where from? Garth Merenghi's Darkplace you fool!

Sneaks Du Jour - More Alexander McQueen by Puma

A more regular sneaker from Alexander McQueen for Puma than the AMQ Spine Luxe is the AMQ In Bounds Mid.

That's a shark's tooth on the side, and a little bid of Alexander McQueen branding for your troubles.

Petrol Station, Sliema, Malta

I was in Malta this time last week for a spot of winter sun. As we wandered between Sliema, where we stayed, and St Julian, which had a couple of stonkingly luxurious looking hotels, my eye was caught by this American Football arcade machine on the street.



On closer inspection, namely when a car pulled up, it turned out to be the most inconspicuous petrol station forecourt I've ever seen.



The pumps were completely different to the enormous efforts we get nowadays, and it was serviced by a friendly attendant as well.

Tee Du Jour - I don't actually know who this is

There are two images of this T-Shirt by Vig Tees for two reasons, appropriately enough.

First, the girl in the first one is cute.

Second, you can't tell what the shirt says in the first one, which is kind of the point, but I didn't want to just show the image out of context because then it wouldn't necessarily even be a T-Shirt and anyway the girl on the context picture is cute.



I find this funny because it's true. I have a pair of 3/4 length trousers, a confession in itself, with a guy's face on one of the legs and I've never bothered to find out who it is. Guesses have ranged from Don King to Malcolm X. It's probably one of them.



Available from Vig Tees for 20 'bucks'

Four o'clock funny - That's All We Know Rick

"Where does the Church stand on the matter of evolution?"

More Darkplace, this time featuring Julian Barrett.

Sneaks Du Jour - Even More Adidas SL 72 Vintage

Last and least of the Adidas SL 72 Vintage Collection, the red effort. Next Friday will not be an Adidas SL 72 Vintage Collection day. Unless they reveal more colours.