Big Brother's Little Scummer

In case you hadn't noticed, Big Brother has started again, for the ninth time. I'm never sure how easy it is for anybody else to avoid events like this. For me, an avid television viewer at the best of times, and who lives with a girlfriend who works for a major tabloid newspaper, they're unavoidable.

The only Big Brother I missed was when I lived in Japan in 2002. I don't know if it was the best series, but it spawned the likes of Jade Goody and the lovely Kate Lawler, and seemed from what I've learnt of it since to be one of the most innovative of the eight completed 'competitions'.

Lawler, who went on to present the vastly underrated Channel 4 breakfast programme Rise, ran the Flora London Marathon this year. I ran past her and nearly fell over (she ran it in her pants). The marathon provides a snapshot for the differences between Lawler and Goody, who collapsed due to lack of training on her attempt at the distance a couple of years ago.

So far this year, I've managed to miss most of it since the launch show. I've gathered there's a love triangle involving a girl who is apparently a friend of Peter Crouch's girlfriend Abigail Clancy. It's a situation engineered by Big Brother and involving the show's first couple to enter the house together. I haven't seen a betting market for whether they'll split up before the end, but I'd fancy backing it.

The most interesting thing I've discovered today about Big Brother is likely to be of limited interest to the average punter, but will give Norwich fans something to latch on to. The first albino contestant (is this something to be celebrated? Why not!), 26-year-old songwriter Darnell, is apparently the nephew of former Ipswich Town man Jason Dozzell!

Times must be hard for Dozzell, described ludicrously by the Daily Star as a 'former England star (for the under-21s, which makes Cedric Anselin a 'former France star'). He's only 40 yet, even with all his international glitz and glamour he's reduced to becoming a rent-a-quote for reality TV. Craig Forrest is a big name TV commentator back in his native Canada, and he was involved in this:



As a former tormentor in chief of the Canaries, it's certainly a cautionary tale for young Danny Haynes as he ponders a move to the Premier League and hopefully out of the way of Norwich at least for one merciful season.

So now I've decided who to hate, I just need to work out who to like. It's most likely to be the sexy blond, as I'm pretty shallow. Besides, I would find it difficult to trust any of the blokes who would enter Big Brother in a normal European Championships summer because I wouldn't understand how they could miss a major tournament. Steve McClaren's efforts ensured there would be no England, but it is still preferable to watch an England-less Euro 2008 than to spend 13 weeks or so surrounded by dimwits slowly undermining everything you will subsequently try to achieve in your life. Fabio Capello will know what I mean when it comes to the World Cup in South Africa.